GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
