Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
