thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
