i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
