Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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