Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You ate ashes out of my bong
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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