forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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