Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
