I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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