How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
