You're so nebulous sometimes
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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