ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
