i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
