guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
