I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
