My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
