I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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