Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
