I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
