I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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