she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
