Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
