I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
