My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
