I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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