By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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