And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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