Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
