Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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