You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
