The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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