he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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