weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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