You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Help. Why am I so naked?
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