R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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