I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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