The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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