Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
