I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
