I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
