Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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