Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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