1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
