I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
