He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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