How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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