Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
