I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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