I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
