we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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