I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
