I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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