Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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